i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
