Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
