The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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