i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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