come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
