I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
