Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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