I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
