this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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