just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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