you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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