I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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