WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
