false alarm. still invincible.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
