i think my tv is drunk
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
