Where is the hickey?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
