My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it hurts more in the daytime
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
