my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
