just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
