I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
