mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
