Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
