Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize