Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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