so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
