dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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