just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
