Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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