and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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