I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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