I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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