he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
