just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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