3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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