True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
