The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
