You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
