people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
