just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
