it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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