You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
