I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize