separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
