I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize