Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
