I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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