This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
