SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
