oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
