worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
