Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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