you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
