We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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