If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
