either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
