had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
