This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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