I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
