# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
