he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
