I need help removing her.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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